In that moment, it’s easy to feel hurt, betrayed, or even disrespected. But what if “no” isn’t an insult? What if it’s just life doing what it does—redirecting you, refining you, and revealing what’s really in your control?

We live in a time where “no” often feels like rejection or failure. When things don’t go our way, we’re quick to blame others—circumstances, timing, people—instead of reflecting inward. But sometimes, it’s not about unfairness. It’s about preparation, perspective, and patience.

One of the biggest emotional triggers I’ve seen—both personally and professionally—is being told “no.” That the opportunity we’ve been chasing, the thing we believe we deserve, isn’t happening. Not now. Maybe not ever. And for many, that kind of rejection feels unbearable.

In a country where comfort and access are abundant, we’ve grown uncomfortable with resistance. We expect the doors we knock on to open. But here’s the truth: resistance is the human experience. Not everything is going to go our way—and that doesn’t mean something is wrong.

There’s a scene from Bruce Almighty—an old Jim Carrey movie—that’s always stuck with me. In it, Bruce (who temporarily takes on God’s powers) becomes overwhelmed by the flood of emailed prayers and decides to simply click “Reply All” and type, “Yes.” Every single person gets exactly what they asked for. The result? Complete chaos.

I remember watching that scene and wondering why saying “yes” to everyone would lead to chaos. But now I see it—when we get used to things working out right away, it becomes harder to trust the process when they don’t. Sometimes the answer isn’t immediate, and sometimes it’s not what we expected—but it may be exactly what we need.

Learning to wait—and to be open to a better, different answer—takes strength. It’s not weakness to feel disappointed; it’s human. But how we respond in those moments? That’s where growth begins.

Psychologist Carol Dweck’s work on growth mindset reminds us that failure isn’t final—it’s part of the learning process. Similarly, Lazarus and Folkman’s research on cognitive appraisal shows it’s not the “no” itself that hurts us—it’s how we interpret it. When we reframe rejection as redirection, we reclaim our power and build the resilience that every high-performing person needs.

Let me give you a personal example. As a mental performance coach, I’m constantly planting seeds—reaching out, building connections, trying to get in front of athletes and teams to show how I can help. Some of these relationships take years before anything comes from them.

There was one organization I was in contact with for a long time. It felt promising. Plans were forming. We were moving toward setting up a workshop. But then, things went silent—calls stopped being returned, messages went unanswered. Eventually, I saw a post revealing they had started working with a different mental performance coach.

My first feeling? Betrayal. I was frustrated. I thought, I did everything right. I was patient. I stayed supportive. I waited my turn.

But then the truth hit me: nothing was ever guaranteed. Even if there was a verbal agreement, circumstances change. People pivot. And while it may have felt personal, it wasn’t. The only thing I could control was how I responded—and how I’d grow from it moving forward.

This is what I’m constantly helping athletes and musicians work through: staying rooted in what they can control.

Just because something is a “no” right now doesn’t mean it’s a no forever. We have to be mindful of how much power we’re handing over to other people’s opinions, decisions, or timelines.

So let me ask you:

- Are you feeling stuck because someone hasn’t responded the way you hoped?

- Does your world unravel when a long-awaited answer doesn’t come… or worse, comes back as “no”?

- Are you delaying your next step until someone else gives you permission?

- Are you waiting for a very specific answer from God… even though He may have already responded in a different way?

If you answered yes to any of these, it may be time to reclaim your power.

“No” is not the end of your story. It’s just an answer.

Things not going your way doesn’t mean you’ve been betrayed. It doesn’t mean revenge is necessary. It means you're human.

And the beautiful part? You have a choice. You get to choose how you respond. That’s one of the greatest gifts we’ve been given.

So the next time life tells you “no,” don’t let it define you. Let it redirect you. Because “not now” doesn’t mean never—and “no” might just be the start of your next breakthrough.

Your Turn: Think back to a moment when life gave you a “no.” What did it teach you? How did you grow from it?

Drop your story in the comments, or journal your response to this question: “What doors have closed that actually saved me or shaped me?”

You never know—your reflection might be the encouragement someone else needs today.

Given these myriad challenges, developing robust mental skills becomes crucial for a smoother transition. Mindfulness techniques, for instance, can help athletes manage stress and anxiety. Practices like meditation and deep breathing exercises have been shown to reduce anxiety and improve focus. The Journal of Clinical Sport Psychology found that mindfulness training significantly enhances athletes' mental resilience and performance (Gardner & Moore, 2017).

Goal setting and time management are also critical. Setting clear, achievable goals for both sports and academics and developing a structured schedule to manage time effectively can make a significant difference. The Journal of Applied Sport Psychology indicates that goal setting can improve motivation and performance in student-athletes (Locke & Latham, 2019).

Building a strong support network is essential. This network can include coaches, teammates, academic advisors, and mental health professionals. According to the Journal of American College Health, social support is a key factor in reducing stress and improving the overall well-being of college athletes (DeFreese & Smith, 2013).

Developing resilience and mental toughness is another important aspect. Mental toughness involves maintaining focus and determination despite difficulties. Resilience training can enhance athletes' ability to cope with adversity and maintain high performance levels, as noted in the Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology (Clough et al., 2002).

Dweck, C.S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House.

Lazarus, R.S., & Folkman, S. (1984). Stress, Appraisal, and Coping. Springer Publishing Company.